Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Sometimes I Actually Make Sense.... This is Not One of Those Times.

You know how normal people have weird fantasies about smashing people with the harsh realities of this world and driving those people into deep cynicism and woe? What? That's not normal? Don't be ridiculous. Of course it's normal. Allow me to demonstrate some of my most compelling logic yet:
People eating fish eggs and snails----> NOT NORMAL
People desiring to crush the naive----> TOTALLY SANE AND NORMAL

I make so much sense right now it is downright disturbing. Anyhow. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have a sister in law who is insanely naive. Most of the time I find it adorable. Other times I want to poop all over the world of illusion she lives in and crush her with reality. Lately, my desire to crush her wonderful world of unicorns, lollipops and babies has been intensifying. Please do not think I am a mean or cruel person. I'm not... usually. It's just that I'm 6 months pregnant and really have waning patience for the naive ramblings of someone who equates birth control use with abortion. No shit, ya'll.

To take up space and make this look more interesting help me make my point, I have prepared some illustrations. Please enjoy my hastily scrawled MS Paint creations (if you judge me I'll kill you.)

It starts out like this.

I look forward to what I will hear come out of sister in law's mouth. After all, the naivete is so sweet and cute.

Then we hang out and I take the magical journey with her into the carefully concocted alternate universe she exists in. Things are beautiful there. It is a world where everything is perfect because everyone in this world surely shares the same moral values as she does.

I love our little trips into her land-of-illusion.

Usually we both leave the interaction (i.e. entry into her fantasy universe) feeling refreshed and joyful. More often than not I looks forward to the next foray into the depths of her naivete.

Lately, however, it has been a bit more like this in the time leading up to any sort of interaction with her.

Suddenly snapping and sending reality crashing down upon her is a real fear for me. And by "we" I mean "us." The hubby is aware of the impending snap but being how he is he has not offered any sort of tangible help. Usually he just tries to get me to go with him to hang out with sis and bro in law, which makes me think that maybe he wants me to snap. If this is the case, I am sure the day is fast approaching where I will smack sis in law upside the head with some damn reason. Until then though I can only fantasize about what I will say to in response to her naive (and oftentimes ignorant) statements and then giggle at the face I imagine her making when her alternate universe is shattered into a million pieces.

Really when you think about it, I'm not that weird. I think we all have a place in our hearts that wants to hurt people who are intentionally naive... admittedly the place in my heart for such a thing is probably larger than most people's..... I am told that that is what makes me so lovable. Ok, so I've never been told that, but it could happen and as luck would have it if it will happen it will soon.

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