Friday, February 1, 2013

So recently I have been thinking a great deal about sexual fetishes. Don't judge me! Since I am no longer married, gettin' laid isn't quite as easy as it was before. Anyways, for some reason I got to thinking about fisting. Seriously. Now, don't get me wrong, I am sure that it can be quite pleasurable....for some people....but all I can think about it puppeteering. For fuck's sake, ya'll, pussies are for pounding NOT puppeteering! It sort of made me think about slipping into a prewarmed glove or perhaps even a warm sweater. Mostly it just made me think of The Muppets. If I have my hand up anything, it damn well better be a puppet and not another human being. Considering that I am somewhat immature, I would be hard-pressed to resist speaking in a squeaky voice should I ever put my hand all up inside another human being. Think about it: another living being UP TO YOUR ELBOW. How is that not akin to a puppet? You see? I am not so crazy. If you are in to the whole fisting thing: congratulations. You are a far more robust woman than I. If you are a man and into fisting, I have but one question: What are your feelings about puppetry? In other inappropriate news.... I have a wonderful Facebook friend who is as twisted as I am. Sometimes, I get drunk and send her things I can't send to anyone else lest I be judged. For your enjoyment, I present the single-most blasphemous thing I have ever encountered: THE BABY JESUS BUTT PLUG. By all means, snoop around a bit. There is even something my "friend" refers affectionately to as "the rubber sex bible." Truly something for all your blasphemous sexcapade needs! For the record, I am all for fun in the bedroom. That being said, what's the weirdest thing you have ever done? Do you regret it? SHOW ME YOURS I'LL SHOW YOU MINE!

Monday, January 28, 2013

So Then This Shit all went down....

HI! I'm back! After an incredibly long hiatus, I'm back, bitches. So let me catch you up with a bullet-list of what all has gone down since last we visited: -Had my baby (she is 10 mos old now, OMG!) -Got divorced (not nearly as awesome or exciting as having my baby) -Got a dog (hey how bout that, eh?!) -Got more tattoos -Am going back to school -Doin' pretty ok, really! So, a lot of shit went down and I ain't married anymore. Sucks, but really...it is for the best. It was finalized around Christmas (seriously, I wish I were making that up) but we were separated for like 5 months prior. Anyhoo! Just letting those who read (like all 4 of you, ha!) that I am back and that I will be posting many inappropriate things in the days to come. Some topics I will be covering: -fisting -puppets -mostly just fisting and puppets YEEEAAAAHHHH! Can't wait to get back in the swing of blogging, sorry I disappeared on ya'll! We will talk soon! XOXO, Chelsea