Monday, November 7, 2011

Sometimes Less is More. But only if You're This Chick.

I admit I have a bit of a bias against ditzy, naive girls. It is a bias that is almost as big as my bias against asshole-ish, ignorant men. We have a new addition to our family, a sister in law, that is both ditzy and naive to the extreme. But here is the really fucking weird thing: I don't dislike her, I fucking love this girl. I can't really figure out why, because I do get annoyed at times with the things that come out of her mouth (her mind doesn't filter anything so things just sort of fall out of her mouth before clearing the common sense lobes and socially appropriate filter) as well as with her apparent inability to control the volume of her voice. Be that as it may, I have been forced to admit that there might be two types of naive/ditzy. Allow me to break it down for you.

Type 1 naive/ditzy: you want to crush them with the harsh realities of the world and sit back and laugh as they fail at every endeavor due to their many flaws and inability to learn from past mistakes.

Type 2 naive/ditzy: you just want to put them in a little hand basket and carry them everywhere so you can put a blanket over them when something bad is happening so they never see it. You also just want to do everything for them because they are so fucking sweet that you feel like an asshole when they don't succeed, even though you had nothing to do with any endeavoring.

New sister in law is very much a type 2 naive/ditzy girl. I submit the following for review:

****to set the scene, I have just put my kid down for the night and we can all hear her fussing over the baby monitor, I sigh and say "Sssshhhh! Go to sleep!" this earns a really excited response from sister in law who picks up the monitor**** "Can she hear us?! Oh I would have been more quiet if I knew she could hear us over the monitor!"

****I heard about this one from my husband who was trapped in a car with her and her husband for a couple hours on their way to a dinner engagement**** "How do you spell "bread"? Is there a silent letter in there?" ****Upon being told how "bread" was spelled (B.R.E.A.D, for the record) she sounded it out for a while. So. Goddamned. ADORABLE.****

My husband is convinced I hate her (quite the contrary, as I've stated) because sometimes I decline to be in their company. This is not due to disliking anyone, it is more due to me being constantly mentally, emotionally and physically taxed by the unceasing demands of a toddler that from every indication may be descended from some sort of tiny, insane dinosaur. I just can't always keep up with the weirdness of other people when I've spent all day trying to keep up with the weirdness of my spastic dinosaur daughter.

Update We got a new baby monitor and this one actually has a walkie talkie-like feature where if you push a button on the thingy you can talk to your bebe. So now guess who feels like an asshole? Me. Even though I was never judgmental or mad for her thinking the bebe monitor might be a walkie talkie in the first place. See?! Type 2's totally fuck with you!

****Would it be inappropriate to ask her what her dimensions are? I am thinking I might be able to find a basket to fit her in.

Update This is the closest thing I could find. There is no way I could lug this, my crazy ass godzilla baby daughter and a diaper bag around! WTF, internet, you have betrayed me!

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